The phrase was chanted so many times in my childhood, I still hear it echoed over and over in my mind. “All men think about is sex.” I grew to believe that as a woman, my life would be a battle, fending off advances at every turn. But as I grew up, something unexpected happened…I realized I was the one consumed with desire. And the men? They weren’t exactly lining up to fight over me. I internalized this longing, knowing there must be something wrong with me.

I knew I was intelligent enough. I knew I was kind enough. So I assumed it had something to do with my appearance. I decided to go full Miss Congeniality – tanning sessions, manicures, dance lessons, even P90X – you name it, I did it. With a fresh new ‘do and raging hormones, I got into a new relationship. It wasn’t the first, and it wasn’t the last. And…just like all the others…he liked being with me, but not in the ways I craved. Time and time again, I found myself unsatisfied. And feeling broken.

Nothing I had done seemed to help, so I continued searching for answers. I opened up about my struggles to other women, and I learned I wasn’t alone, not by a long stretch. If you’ve been listening to the whispers over the past few years, you’ll have learned that one of the most well-kept secrets is just how many women are in relationships that are sexually unsatisfying.

For the past year, my partner and I have been working with a couples therapist to help us bridge the gap between what appeared at first glance to be mismatched libidos. Over time, the lies began to unravel. Some men have high sex drives, but some need a bit more to get them “in the mood.”

Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, when I was in Toronto for business. As you may know, I’ve been taking a course on coaching for emotion in my photography. The week I was in Toronto was the first of our practical exercises. It was the dreaded selfie week, where we had to practice those emotions for the whole class to see. While I was nervous as heck about my fluffy body, I wanted to get my money’s worth from the course, so I packed some lingerie in my bag. I didn’t just take selfies. I pointed my toes and I squeezed my thighs and I arched my back…GIRL! I sent this man some FIRE! And oh. my. GOODNESS. I don’t want to give any spoilers, so let’s just say this story has a happy ending. Who knew that photos could have such an impact, right!? (Oh yeah. Duh!)

Now I KNOW I’m not the only one who needs a little reminder from time to time. I know some of you are wanting a little bit more than pumpkin spice this fall. If you’ve been yearning for something more in your relationship…if you’re interested in finding out whether photos are one of the numbers in your partner’s combination lock…you absolutely MUST get on my calendar! My DMs are open, babe. Let’s do this!